Calling out Cosmo.

If you tell me you’ve never read a Cosmopolitan magazine, you’re lying. If you insist that you’ve honestly never picked one up and skimmed through it, yea…still think you’re lying.

My sister in law told me “Cosmo is like a Womens’ Bible… “.

That’s effing deep.

Go ahead, laugh out loud. I was sixteen , of course after hearing those words I read the ish outta every one I could snatch without my mom noticing. I wanted to learn the “Three words he never wants to hear you say” and even though I didn’t have a boyfriend yet, I was determined to learn “How to shake an ex” , got to be prepared…right? Eventually I had my own subscription arriving in the mail each month and I was determined to “Make men fall in love with me”

Soon I started catching on to all the contradictions.

“Never try to change your man” WHAT.?? Two months ago you taught me “10 ways to change him”. Great, now I have to wait for an article on “What to do if you tried changing your man, but you really shouldn’t have”. 

HAHA. The time I wasted reading it actually saddens me.

I finally decided to give it up after the cashier at Publix (who I went to high school with)  felt the need to chime in, as if I didn’t feel lame enough purchasing the magazine,  he chuckled “you actually read this crap”.

Screw you. yes I read it because why the hell not? That’s just what I could’ve said, I actually responded with “Hell No! It’s for my sister in law. LOL you actually think i’d read that..NO. LOL No.”

I tossed the magazine out as soon as I got home. How could I read these stories that do nothing for me. I am my own person and my tips are way effin better than theirs.

I must give them credit though, they always had these catchy titles that caught my eye.

This makes me question what happened in this past year? If you still keep up on the magazine then you know what I mean. I have their Facebook page liked, so I do see there recent posts that are something along the lines of :

“What Disney Princess are you” or “What Disney prince should you be with”-

I’m sorry I thought we were reading a magazine for Women, not 13 year old girls.

They also use annoying new lingos like

“Ten pink coats you need so hard right now”

uhhhh. ok. no.

I’d like to believe that at one point, Cosmo actually gave great advice and helpful beauty tips. Little fact from Google, the magazine originally started out as a “general interest FAMILY magazine”. Weird.

So it seems to be transforming from Family, Women and Sex, to a much younger crowd,

Am I the only one that has noticed?

Take my poll and feel free to leave some feedback .

Xoxo

CitifiedB

 

Related Articles:

Go Home Cosmo You’re Drunk!

A Cosmo Example

 

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The accusation: Cup loving Americans.

So I recently Facebooked this photo of me and *caption* the love of my life, forever together, best guy, ❤ 9-12-10 <3!!!! Be jealous!!! (that’s what people do right)

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Kidding. We’re not annoying like that. Also, that’s a false date…we don’t have a real one.

As expected I get the typical likes and comments “omg you guys are so cute! Best couple ever!!”.

Kidding. I unfriended those infatuated little hecklers.

I did however get questioned by my dapper European brother in law. “What is it with Americans always having cups in their hands?”

Right off the bat I’m all like  “Uh. It’s called 8 o’clock  in the morning and effing cold. Have some perceptive as to why I would have a hot latte in my hand and if you’re going to view the photo , at least show some decency and “like” it. geez.”

What is it with you “Europeans” calling us “Americans” out huh!?

Eventually I did calm down and rationalize a little bit, could we have a tendency of always carrying cups? With full intentions of proving this Eurobrat wrong , I decide to check out some Facebook pics.

Unfortunately, the first one just happens to be a man casually walking his dog with an oversized McDonalds cup in his hand…

Mere coincidence. Keep scrolling

Ohhh, a mother with …never mind.

OK,  group picture here and three out of five people have a cup in their hand..

Party pictures! Of course there’s silly kids with slaphappy faces screaming “there’s alcohol in this cup.!” those can’t count.

So I stop looking.

If we really do seem to always have a cup in our hands, then I’m just curious as to why?

*Study Alert Universities*

Is it a sense of comfort to be holding a beverage?

How about a fashion statement!?  I occasionally get that impression when I see women with coffees. Although those thoughts could stem from my boyfriend always making it sound as if I’m being snotty when I say latte (like I came up with the name), but don’t you see the little b’s pushing their lips out with the hand at an angle that just screams prissiness?? No?

Maybe it’s from eating so much garbage that we are never suitably hydrated?

Whatever it is, I now have this irritating awareness of people holding cups in public.

So thank you brother!

Also, writing this post made me realize the fixation I have at the fact I must capitalize the “F” in “Facebook”. I understand why, I just get this feeling that I’m giving Facebook importance , but I’ll save that for another post.

Xoxo

Accused American cup holder.

50 Shades of Shut the eff up.

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Let me just start by saying I hate the title of this post. I hate the title of anything starting with “50 Shades of”.

“50 Shades of Love” or “50 Shades of Happiness”, how about “50 Shades of LAME”. The renowned book (50 Shades of Grey) has sold over 70 million worldwide copies and the obscene literature has women acting like The 40 year Old Virgin (at the end of the movie). My dilemma is not with reading the book, it’s with reading the book in public.

I’m trying to get a latte people not watch your gratification as you read about S&M (cue Rihanna music). Seriously though, do you not feel weird sitting their reading about sex in public? I’d love to see your reactions if you walked by a man with a playboy casually sitting in Starbucks. He’s looking at pictures and you’re basically reading the pictures, am I wrong here? Oh & Facebooking it…yea still weird.

This isn’t a Nicholas Sparks book ladies, keep it private or share your thoughts with your girl friends.

XoXo

CitifiedB

What’s your blogging inspiration?

“Put your blog out into the world and hope that your talent will speak for itself”-Diablo Cody

Am I the only one who blushes when someone “likes” or “follows” your blog?

It’s so much more than a simple Facebook or twitter like. People actually take the time (hopefully;) and read what you have to say! That kinda ish means something.

Not only do they read, they seem to enjoy it, how empowering! My blitching is being recognized! I WILL RULE COUNTRIES… oh, just kidding. But it really is such an exhilarating feeling and inspiration to keep on writing, don’t you agree? What are some of your inspirations to blog?

Share your thoughts!

Still blushing,

CitifiedB

Related Articles!

Blogging and “The Accident of Touching”– (deborahbrasket.wordpress)

How do I write what the Audience wants to read? -(terribleminds.com)

Expertise vs. Humanity-A Writer’s Battle Royale? – (writetodone.com)

No, “I don’t even”

If you didn’t quite get the meaning of my title, check out this site and you will. www.doyoueven.com

“DO YOU EVEN LIFT BRO?”

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Am I the only one that cannot stand the obnoxious meatheads at the gym cemented in front of mirrors perfecting their poses?? Picture Time! Ughhh. Not only do you look as lame as you should feel, I now have to hide so I can avoid being seen on instagram, facebook, and twitter because we all know it’ll be posted to each one.

Reading the word “Meathead” probably gives you the assumption that I’m just referring to guys, I’m not.

SHESQUATS-google it.

You get these beautiful women wearing thongs or pulling their spandex into one (ew) just so we can all experience the ass of a female squatter. Excellent! You made it acceptable to show your bottoms without being slutty …right? I just want to meet the noble man that enjoys his significant other sharing these pics.  Like…what the eff.???

Debating on starting a website- idonteven.com? Share your thoughts!

Happy Workouts.

& on that note, I think I’ll squat my way to the cookie jar.

XoXo

Walmartians!

Okay readers, I know I ragged on Starbucks a little bit; I apologize in advance, I will be ragging on Walmart a lot worse.

When people are getting dressed to go “Save Money, Live Better”, (because ya, spend less money for Chinese garbage that breaks in a month.. MERRICAA) I imagine they are thinking something along the lines of “just rolled out of bed, this robe will do” or “Forgot to do laundry, bikini top and shorts it shall be…oh and those heels.” I wish I could say it is just the clientele that seem so complacent with their clothing, or lack there of.

Photo from a good friend!

It’s the employees who put the icing on the cake! Ma’am, this is not an episode of The Golden Girls, please remove the hair rollers when out in public.  (also, refrain from purchasing the processed crap she is stocking.)

Now if this didn’t shock you, www.peopleofwalmart.com will.

I wish that somehow Publix could train all of Wal-mart when it comes to customer service. Who doesn’t love asking for help and getting some negligent response. “Oh uh, watches? yea go straight and take a left a few aisles down, they’re somewhere over there.” …Yea let’s just hope by “a few aisles down” he means around 3 and not 6. . Still waiting on Target to become 24 hours so I can avoid this ish, not that it’s much better.

-ABruteLife

Employee Talk

” If  A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut.”

People who say “there’s always drama in a work place”, are telling the truth. Getting a job was like going back to high school with grown ups. Every hall you walk down, someone is in your ear talking about another or rumors are flying left and right. I was shocked needless to say. Who doesn’t love to gossip after all? I hate to admit the entertainment I get from hearing some of these stories, although I am no voyeur.

The thing I hate about being involved is just that, being involved. They come to you with their mouths full and unload then sit back and expect you to subscribe your opinions into the matter. I always say something along the lines of…”oh wow” or “really, that’s interesting”. They never seem amused with my responses. Don’t get me wrong, I could complain and ramble to the others about many things, but where does that get me? Possibly fired. They’re like trolls, scavvying up all the information they can get from one person then conveying it over to the other. Soon everyone knows your thoughts on everyone and who benefits from that? It’s an endless game of rumors and in the end it effs with you.

If you want to get ahead in the work place, engage others but watch what you say for it always comes back to you. -Best advice I have been given since I started.

So keep those fly traps sealed my friends & happy work days !

ABruteLife

Macbooks and Lattes

STARBUCKS! If that title didn’t give it away;)

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Home of the coffee sizes that no one remembers (Or is that just me)? Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, & the newly added Trenti! Yes, I googled these. I always end up ordering a Tall Latte due to the fact I get all nervous and forget the other sizes. Have any of you accidentally ordered a medium latte? You get that barista that loves her job a little too much and feels the need to correct you with the proper lingo “grande” along with a “this isn’t dunkin’ donuts” look in her eyes. Alright lady, no need to embarrass me in front of all these “business people.”

Now the crowd that they seem to attract is my ultimate favorite. Walking in I always notice the MacBook’s. I feel they should have a sign written on the door with something along the lines of “Apple products only”. I have a Dell and a Kindle so I normally stick with the drive-thru hoping the lines not wrapped around the building. On the occasion I do stop in with my Dell, I pull out my IPhone. Come on , I want to belong! Of course we can’t forget all the college kids that seem to never leave. Speaking out of jealousy because I am appalled at how all these “broke college” kids can afford a 5 Dollar frappe? Then there are all the hippies of course. I was under the impression they don’t support corporate places yet from eyesight, Starbucks has their support. The older women with their perfected pony-tails, decked out in matching gym clothes, donning their flawless make-up, always making me question whether they have ever been inside a gym. Ughh.

I know I’m ranting like I don’t enjoy their grande pumpkin lattes with an extra shot of espresso, the vanilla lattes, or the delicious cans of doubleshot espressos. I love all of these, I just don’t see enough of a difference to be paying extra for them.

So in the meantime, I will be sticking with the Dunkin Donuts crowd for most of my penniless days.

Take my poll!

XOXO B’s

Let the blitching begin!

For starters I named my blog CitifiedB mostly for the fact I just moved to a bigger city. The “B” I could tell you represents the initial of my first name, but that’s not why I chose it.

B is for Bitch (I don’t curse much, promise*).

My little brother has yet to switch over to that “trying to sound cool by cursing” stage, THANKFULLY. Instead of cursing he uses words like “Ish, B, Eff…etc.” which surprisingly wiped out the original curse words from my families vocabulary. We will be in a parking lot and my brother will get cut off and yell something like “That B just cut me off! What the EFF!”.  Great right? I think it’s so much less hateful and somewhat humorous to hear. I recommend starting this trend of words into your family, it’s much more appropriate.

So if you continue reading these random rants I’ll be pressing (next will be my love/hate for starbucks), you will now know what eff I’m talking about when I say ish and such.

 

Happy Readings B’s!