The unspoken rules of WordPress

Does anybody know the unspoken rules of WordPress? Wait are there any or are these just in my head?

If you view someone’s blog, then can you at least show you were there? A like or a comment or hell even a ping-back!

I understand we don’t all share the same opinions but can we not read with open minds?

Don’t rage on me because you disagree, try commenting your opinion politely and we can further discuss your inability to comprehend my amazing blog posts. Kidding.

But seriously, this is where we share our thoughts expecting some kind of feedback, allowing us to grow. If you share your opinion in a negative way, I’ll listen. I may not be thinking happy thoughts & I’m more than likely holding back my fingers from typing out assho…but I’ll listen.

The tagging situation also tends to annoy the ish outta me. Can we use tagging that’s relevant to your article?

I’m sick of searching “humor”, only to find articles on “a dog’s dying wish”

okay..I completely made that up, but you get my point.

I love liking posts, I love giving feedback on posts, but what I love even more , is when others leave feedback for me.

So get out there and be that social blogger everyone loves!

p.s. Leave a comment about something you think should be added to the list of unspoken rules.

Xoxo

CitifiedB

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You’re Not A Hipster; You’re A Contradiction.

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If you claim you’re a hipster, you’re not. Stop telling me about unheard of bands that you Googled…from your Iphone. Just because you order some crazy latte with 8 different pumps, does not dismiss the fact you’re at a Starbucks. … Continue reading

Eff the word Gluten & it’s followers. (I’m a follower)

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Gluten Free is such a trend right now, I’m actually annoyed with it.

I can’t get a slice of pizza without being asked if I want gluten-free; Is that a serious question? I want gluten, extra cheese,pepperoni,sausage, and oh extra gluten; it’s my cheat day.

Saying the gluten-free pizza dough is better than regular, is bullshit & you know it.

Plus, if you’re going gluten-free too lose weight, then half of you are doing it wrong.

You can’t buy something just because it’s labeled “gluten-free” & assume its okay. If there’s no gluten, then they make up for it with all kinds of unhealthy starches. I started a blood type diet about three years ago and lost 35 pounds within a few months. Now I’m at a healthy balance of my thighs slightly touch with a cute little poochy belly. (because eff abs)

I’ve come to the realization that substitutions, just aren’t satisfying enough. We all know the crackers taste like cardboard, so we make up for that by smothering it with unhealthy cheese or dip…makes sense right?

Seriously though, stop trying too eat foods that resemble a cookie / rock dust. In the end it’s not helping you much.

You want the brownie? EAT the brownie! Your craving won’t come again for a while. (Unless you are like me & everyday is brownie day, then you just need some self-control.)

Try eating foods without gluten most of the time, then occasionally set aside a cheat day & indulge in that soft, warm, gooey dessert you’ve been dreaming about or the juicy cheese steak WITH the bread. Mmm…

After writing this, I’ve decided today is a cheat day.

I’ve included the only substitutes that are actually on the edible / enjoyable side.

Sweet Potato Chips! – Ignore that stale-like crunch & the extra cost, they’re not bad!

Sprouted Grain Bread -Buy the red bag. Not too tasty, but you get used to it.

That’s all folks! No, really, those are the only substitutes I actually don’t mind & they don’t have all the extra added crap.

Are you GF? What are some of your favorite foods?

XoXo

CitifiedB

P.S. If you are allergic to Gluten, I’m sorry, this post is in no way directed at you. Also, the comment about my thighs touching was a joke, that seems to be a “trend” as well. gag.

Why we are NOT Facebook friends.

I went a year without social media & loved it. When I re-joined I made sure to delete every person who would or had previously annoyed me. Starting with the teenage moms.

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We get it, your baby is cute, I don’t need to see the daily routine of sleeping,eating, and oh look sleeping again, through pictures. Also, phones are filthy, so the fact I have to see your baby playing with them aggravates the ish outta me. I’m not some clean freak but I’ve read my fair share of studies on it. If you’re rolling your eyes, read this.

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How about the pot smokers? You guys are so effing cool. I love seeing how big your blunts are & how “high” you feel. If you would come down from “cloud 9” for five seconds, you might still have a chance at getting a real job. When I say “real job” , I’m referring to a job where drug tests are mandatory, so the workers are actually working, not walking around like dazed, incoherent zombies. Oh & your “expensive” kush, looks like a green turd, pull your head outta your ass & quit Facebooking your pathetic smoke sessions.

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Lets not forget the self-proclaimed, political genius who knows how to solve all of Americas problems. You post meme’s that are ignorant as hell and status’ that you perceive will change the world, reality check, they don’t. The only thing you will change are your relationships with others when you can’t accept them politically disagreeing. Once election season is over, you go back to your Candy Crush addiction ( & no, I will not accept your effing invite), becoming even less oblivious to whats going on in the real world. Stop with your naive accusations and read a G’damn book.

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For all you attention seekers, here is your attention. This was a quote from my brothers news-feed: “Ughhh..I keep scrolling down my news feed seeing all these pretty girls , makes me jealous 😦 “. We all know you made that status just to get a confidence boost. Everyone will soon blow it up with comments such as “You’re so pretty” or “Don’t say that girl, you’re gorgeous”. If you’re posting status’s like that , then these comments may help for a day or two, but eventually you’ll have to deal with the real problem at hand here.

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To all the meat-heads out there, please stop with the mirror pics at the gym. You make a status update daily on your routine and as if that isn’t annoying enough, we are all blessed with seeing a mirror pic. Put your phone away, you look ridiculous. How many times must we see the same perfectly positioned picture? Get the eff over yourself. For more of my awesome opinion on this matter, check out No, I don’t even.

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Of course we can’t forget about the love birds! That image is adorable, you on the other hand, are not. I’m happy you have a significant other and I get it, you’re “in love” so can we stop posting all the pictures and paragraphs on how great he/she is? What are you getting out of that?? You’re annoying as shit and don’t say “Oh, I only post that every once in awhile” unless by ‘every once in awhile ‘ you really mean every other effing day. Who are you trying to convince, Facebook or yourself?

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“FRIDAY NIGHT B*TCHES”….

The drunk party goers are some of the worst, I am embarrassed to say I once was one. Sure going out getting wild with friends is fun, posting it, not so much. Almost every picture looks as bad as you probably feel the next day. Save the pictures for your phone, preferably locked. Oh & quit with the drunk status updates, we all know this isn’t your first beer, it’s time for you to stop acting like it…

I’m sure I missed some other annoyances, feel free to comment them :). The braggy co-workers, annoying athletes, or the people  promoting their jobs 24/7. We all have a few of these types…right?

Check out Good Ole Facebook for proof of this ridiculousness

XoXo

CitifiedB

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I’m a Hater by Nature (Or How I’m Learning to Accept Things)HappyAppalachy

Testing Cosmos “Best ways to Flirt”

Aren’t we all a little curious as to if Cosmopolitans tips really work? My friend and I decided we’d meet at the local coffee shop on the weekend and go from there. It took us three days until we had completed them.

Results are as followed 😉

Check out a cutie on the subway for two seconds, look away, then glance back at him through lowered lashes.

B-I think I squinted my eyes too much instead of “lowering my lashes”, he laughed and said “did you forget your glasses Ma’am”. Oh & it was a bus stop, there aren’t any subways.

S-I actually went into a Subway (restaurant) and I either scared him or he finished eating right then and left. I hope it was the second one.

Sitting in a room full of guys? Turn sideways in your chair, cross your legs, arch your back, and run your fingers through your hair.

B-Lol my chair made this awkward noise and everyone looked over so I left…

S. A girl told me my hair looked pretty, does that count?

“Trip,” fall against a man’s chest, and say “Damn, your pecs are so hard, I felt like I was falling into a wall.”

B-I totally almost pulled this off! I tripped perfectly and as I said “Damn, you..” he cut me off and said “jeeze sorry.”  I was like NO i’m not done with my line! lol

S-Haha I got through my line and he responded with “Thank you, I’ve been really working hard at the gym?”…That was it

Get the indie-music guy hanging near the jukebox to help you pick out a song.

B-I asked and he responded “Why, you wanna dance?” okk smoooth.

S-I wouldn’t say he was very “Indie” and when I asked he responded “shhhhhhiiiittt put some MJ on”…I did and walked away.

Ask the motorcycle dude next to you to tell the story behind his “awesome” tattoo.

B-“I got really wasted, it’s not that awesome”

S-“Idk it looked cool, don’t you think it looks cool??”…uh yea

Recruit a hot stranger to do a karaoke duet with you because you have a feeling he’s a “crowd pleaser.”

B-“I’m not”

S-He said “I’m not drunk enough” I said “Yea same here”…then I got “Wanna get drunk enough”..Thats a win right?

Hit up a sports bar, and ask the guy sitting beside you what his favorite team is so you’ll “know who to root for.”

B-He said the “Falcons” and I hate them so no.

S-It worked! We got Ice-cream after the game.

Tell the guy running on the treadmill at the gym how impressed you are by his grueling workout.

B-“what an impressive grueling workout” he proceeds to tell me all his workout routines…lame

S-“I’m impressed with your grueling workout” he says “I can show you some grueling moves” underlying meaning there orrrr…

Step off the dance floor and quickly adjust one of your thigh-high stockings. Uh-oh, did that hottie sitting a few feet away catch you?

B- I had tights on so when i tried to adjust them, they ended up ripping.

S-Yea no one noticed…

Use your tongue to get that last crumb off your lips while eating dinner with him.

B-He said “you missed a spot”

S-eating dinner with who? None of these tricks got me a dinner date yet. haha

Study his face, and remark on how much he looks like [insert hot male celeb he kindasorta resembles here].

B-Told the guy at the coffee shop he looked like Ryan Reynolds ..”Yah cool. I get that a lot” and walked out…

S-“You kind of look like Taylor Lautner” so he says “That vampire faggot”…at least he got the right movie?

Stare seductively with your lips perched a bit.

B-My favorite one! The guy asked one of my friends who was next to him “Why is your friend staring at me?”… I must have been doing it wrong?

S-He started staring back and it became a contest of who could stare the longest. I won! He left though.

So we actually didn’t do all 25 since most were just too much or we never got the opportunity and we weren’t really successful.

Either we aren’t that beautiful or Cosmo is wrong.

We decided it’s Cosmo.

It was definitely a fun experience though and I highly recommend doing it with your friend just for a laugh!

XoXo

B&S

“No pixie dust gonna save your hick self”

Approximately 10:17 a.m. my phone vibrates, not once but twice. Assuming it’s an irritating colleague of mine who can never find a way to combine everything into one text,  I ignore it for a little. When I get the energy to get up, I see that it’s actually from my sister. Burst of excitement run through me. If you knew my sister then you would be excited as well. She basically doesn’t text, like ever. It actually takes a special set of skills to get her to reply.

One sentence you have about a 90% chance of getting a response, two sentences about 45%, but three sentences or more and your ish outta luck.

The fact I received TWO full paragraphs in a text from her, well that, that’s just too amazing for me not to share. (Not to mention the fact it’s down right hilarious and inspired me to write some more on the matter.)

The text:

“Just dropped Ev at Downtown Disney for a bday party. If I had panic attacks this place would do it for me. Fat heffers singing the Disney ballads in the parking lot. Christmas music at Ghiradellis while people sip cocoa in 80 deg humidity and the big fat lie all the stores scream to help you empty your wallet. Go to the beach people this is Florida. Live the dream you can’t by it at Disney!

Blog inspiration for you!

Oh then there’s the fat guy walking into the street out from between two huge vans shouting at me to slow down. You’re jay walking dude and I’m doing 25. I know it’s Lala, I mean Disneyland, but you can still be hit by a car. No pixie dust gonna save your hick self.”

If you didn’t even crack a smile, this post isn’t for you. You probably love Disney too much to accept the reality of it.

The reality being that you spend way too much money getting in for it not to include getting a picture with at least one character.

Waiting 2+ hours in line for one ride and not even being able too watch the street sweepers perform any tricks. (Walt Disney wanted every worker to be magical dammit !)

Being upset when they run out of the 10.00 turkey legs so you end up eating at the cafeteria.

Oh! The light show! Maybe you’ll get lucky this year and be upfront instead of behind all the parents with screaming children on their shoulders. Dream on.

Mickey or Minnie ears should be given to everyone upon entering. Instead you must wait in another line to pay MORE money that you don’t have.

Arriving with a 50% chance your child will have a magical time or end up being knocked to the ground by some tourist rushing to the next ride. ( Don’t expect an apology)

Then there are the Disney stores that sell clothing so your child can be a Prince or Princess. Hope you can put some extra hours in at work!

There are some ways to avoid such catastrophes Disneyphiles say. You could pack your own lunch, figure out when it’s Disney’s slow time (if that even exists), and walk around with a crazy look on your face while talking to yourself could prevent people from running into you (it’s worth a shot, right?).

You could also try going on days that it rains. Everyone always runs for cover, leaving most the rides lineless.

How Magical!

We have to go through the trouble of planning “how to avoid having a bad time?” to have a good time.  It’s Disney World, the happiest place on earth! Bad times aren’t supposed to even exist.

I never leave feeling like it was “The Best Time of My LIFE”. I leave feeling exhausted, hungry, and ready to snap at the next  peppy out-of-towner that bumps into me.

Touch me one more time and those mickey ears will be in the sewer!…oh

If you think I’m a Disney Grinch, wait til you meet my sister. Her text inspired me, so I hope this post will inspire her to write one. She has a greater dislike for Disney than I do.

“A dislike for something always inspires a great blog post”

My recommendation?  Find your “Once upon a time…” elsewhere folks.

Oh, & “Disneyphile” is what the fans call themselves. Cute right?

-_-

Share your favorite Disney experiences below!

XOXO