“No pixie dust gonna save your hick self”

Approximately 10:17 a.m. my phone vibrates, not once but twice. Assuming it’s an irritating colleague of mine who can never find a way to combine everything into one text,  I ignore it for a little. When I get the energy to get up, I see that it’s actually from my sister. Burst of excitement run through me. If you knew my sister then you would be excited as well. She basically doesn’t text, like ever. It actually takes a special set of skills to get her to reply.

One sentence you have about a 90% chance of getting a response, two sentences about 45%, but three sentences or more and your ish outta luck.

The fact I received TWO full paragraphs in a text from her, well that, that’s just too amazing for me not to share. (Not to mention the fact it’s down right hilarious and inspired me to write some more on the matter.)

The text:

“Just dropped Ev at Downtown Disney for a bday party. If I had panic attacks this place would do it for me. Fat heffers singing the Disney ballads in the parking lot. Christmas music at Ghiradellis while people sip cocoa in 80 deg humidity and the big fat lie all the stores scream to help you empty your wallet. Go to the beach people this is Florida. Live the dream you can’t by it at Disney!

Blog inspiration for you!

Oh then there’s the fat guy walking into the street out from between two huge vans shouting at me to slow down. You’re jay walking dude and I’m doing 25. I know it’s Lala, I mean Disneyland, but you can still be hit by a car. No pixie dust gonna save your hick self.”

If you didn’t even crack a smile, this post isn’t for you. You probably love Disney too much to accept the reality of it.

The reality being that you spend way too much money getting in for it not to include getting a picture with at least one character.

Waiting 2+ hours in line for one ride and not even being able too watch the street sweepers perform any tricks. (Walt Disney wanted every worker to be magical dammit !)

Being upset when they run out of the 10.00 turkey legs so you end up eating at the cafeteria.

Oh! The light show! Maybe you’ll get lucky this year and be upfront instead of behind all the parents with screaming children on their shoulders. Dream on.

Mickey or Minnie ears should be given to everyone upon entering. Instead you must wait in another line to pay MORE money that you don’t have.

Arriving with a 50% chance your child will have a magical time or end up being knocked to the ground by some tourist rushing to the next ride. ( Don’t expect an apology)

Then there are the Disney stores that sell clothing so your child can be a Prince or Princess. Hope you can put some extra hours in at work!

There are some ways to avoid such catastrophes Disneyphiles say. You could pack your own lunch, figure out when it’s Disney’s slow time (if that even exists), and walk around with a crazy look on your face while talking to yourself could prevent people from running into you (it’s worth a shot, right?).

You could also try going on days that it rains. Everyone always runs for cover, leaving most the rides lineless.

How Magical!

We have to go through the trouble of planning “how to avoid having a bad time?” to have a good time.  It’s Disney World, the happiest place on earth! Bad times aren’t supposed to even exist.

I never leave feeling like it was “The Best Time of My LIFE”. I leave feeling exhausted, hungry, and ready to snap at the next  peppy out-of-towner that bumps into me.

Touch me one more time and those mickey ears will be in the sewer!…oh

If you think I’m a Disney Grinch, wait til you meet my sister. Her text inspired me, so I hope this post will inspire her to write one. She has a greater dislike for Disney than I do.

“A dislike for something always inspires a great blog post”

My recommendation?  Find your “Once upon a time…” elsewhere folks.

Oh, & “Disneyphile” is what the fans call themselves. Cute right?


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