The unspoken rules of WordPress

Does anybody know the unspoken rules of WordPress? Wait are there any or are these just in my head?

If you view someone’s blog, then can you at least show you were there? A like or a comment or hell even a ping-back!

I understand we don’t all share the same opinions but can we not read with open minds?

Don’t rage on me because you disagree, try commenting your opinion politely and we can further discuss your inability to comprehend my amazing blog posts. Kidding.

But seriously, this is where we share our thoughts expecting some kind of feedback, allowing us to grow. If you share your opinion in a negative way, I’ll listen. I may not be thinking happy thoughts & I’m more than likely holding back my fingers from typing out assho…but I’ll listen.

The tagging situation also tends to annoy the ish outta me. Can we use tagging that’s relevant to your article?

I’m sick of searching “humor”, only to find articles on “a dog’s dying wish”

okay..I completely made that up, but you get my point.

I love liking posts, I love giving feedback on posts, but what I love even more , is when others leave feedback for me.

So get out there and be that social blogger everyone loves!

p.s. Leave a comment about something you think should be added to the list of unspoken rules.

Xoxo

CitifiedB

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You’re Not A Hipster; You’re A Contradiction.

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If you claim you’re a hipster, you’re not. Stop telling me about unheard of bands that you Googled…from your Iphone. Just because you order some crazy latte with 8 different pumps, does not dismiss the fact you’re at a Starbucks. … Continue reading

Eff the word Gluten & it’s followers. (I’m a follower)

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Gluten Free is such a trend right now, I’m actually annoyed with it.

I can’t get a slice of pizza without being asked if I want gluten-free; Is that a serious question? I want gluten, extra cheese,pepperoni,sausage, and oh extra gluten; it’s my cheat day.

Saying the gluten-free pizza dough is better than regular, is bullshit & you know it.

Plus, if you’re going gluten-free too lose weight, then half of you are doing it wrong.

You can’t buy something just because it’s labeled “gluten-free” & assume its okay. If there’s no gluten, then they make up for it with all kinds of unhealthy starches. I started a blood type diet about three years ago and lost 35 pounds within a few months. Now I’m at a healthy balance of my thighs slightly touch with a cute little poochy belly. (because eff abs)

I’ve come to the realization that substitutions, just aren’t satisfying enough. We all know the crackers taste like cardboard, so we make up for that by smothering it with unhealthy cheese or dip…makes sense right?

Seriously though, stop trying too eat foods that resemble a cookie / rock dust. In the end it’s not helping you much.

You want the brownie? EAT the brownie! Your craving won’t come again for a while. (Unless you are like me & everyday is brownie day, then you just need some self-control.)

Try eating foods without gluten most of the time, then occasionally set aside a cheat day & indulge in that soft, warm, gooey dessert you’ve been dreaming about or the juicy cheese steak WITH the bread. Mmm…

After writing this, I’ve decided today is a cheat day.

I’ve included the only substitutes that are actually on the edible / enjoyable side.

Sweet Potato Chips! – Ignore that stale-like crunch & the extra cost, they’re not bad!

Sprouted Grain Bread -Buy the red bag. Not too tasty, but you get used to it.

That’s all folks! No, really, those are the only substitutes I actually don’t mind & they don’t have all the extra added crap.

Are you GF? What are some of your favorite foods?

XoXo

CitifiedB

P.S. If you are allergic to Gluten, I’m sorry, this post is in no way directed at you. Also, the comment about my thighs touching was a joke, that seems to be a “trend” as well. gag.

Why we are NOT Facebook friends.

I went a year without social media & loved it. When I re-joined I made sure to delete every person who would or had previously annoyed me. Starting with the teenage moms.

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We get it, your baby is cute, I don’t need to see the daily routine of sleeping,eating, and oh look sleeping again, through pictures. Also, phones are filthy, so the fact I have to see your baby playing with them aggravates the ish outta me. I’m not some clean freak but I’ve read my fair share of studies on it. If you’re rolling your eyes, read this.

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How about the pot smokers? You guys are so effing cool. I love seeing how big your blunts are & how “high” you feel. If you would come down from “cloud 9” for five seconds, you might still have a chance at getting a real job. When I say “real job” , I’m referring to a job where drug tests are mandatory, so the workers are actually working, not walking around like dazed, incoherent zombies. Oh & your “expensive” kush, looks like a green turd, pull your head outta your ass & quit Facebooking your pathetic smoke sessions.

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Lets not forget the self-proclaimed, political genius who knows how to solve all of Americas problems. You post meme’s that are ignorant as hell and status’ that you perceive will change the world, reality check, they don’t. The only thing you will change are your relationships with others when you can’t accept them politically disagreeing. Once election season is over, you go back to your Candy Crush addiction ( & no, I will not accept your effing invite), becoming even less oblivious to whats going on in the real world. Stop with your naive accusations and read a G’damn book.

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For all you attention seekers, here is your attention. This was a quote from my brothers news-feed: “Ughhh..I keep scrolling down my news feed seeing all these pretty girls , makes me jealous 😦 “. We all know you made that status just to get a confidence boost. Everyone will soon blow it up with comments such as “You’re so pretty” or “Don’t say that girl, you’re gorgeous”. If you’re posting status’s like that , then these comments may help for a day or two, but eventually you’ll have to deal with the real problem at hand here.

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To all the meat-heads out there, please stop with the mirror pics at the gym. You make a status update daily on your routine and as if that isn’t annoying enough, we are all blessed with seeing a mirror pic. Put your phone away, you look ridiculous. How many times must we see the same perfectly positioned picture? Get the eff over yourself. For more of my awesome opinion on this matter, check out No, I don’t even.

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Of course we can’t forget about the love birds! That image is adorable, you on the other hand, are not. I’m happy you have a significant other and I get it, you’re “in love” so can we stop posting all the pictures and paragraphs on how great he/she is? What are you getting out of that?? You’re annoying as shit and don’t say “Oh, I only post that every once in awhile” unless by ‘every once in awhile ‘ you really mean every other effing day. Who are you trying to convince, Facebook or yourself?

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“FRIDAY NIGHT B*TCHES”….

The drunk party goers are some of the worst, I am embarrassed to say I once was one. Sure going out getting wild with friends is fun, posting it, not so much. Almost every picture looks as bad as you probably feel the next day. Save the pictures for your phone, preferably locked. Oh & quit with the drunk status updates, we all know this isn’t your first beer, it’s time for you to stop acting like it…

I’m sure I missed some other annoyances, feel free to comment them :). The braggy co-workers, annoying athletes, or the people  promoting their jobs 24/7. We all have a few of these types…right?

Check out Good Ole Facebook for proof of this ridiculousness

XoXo

CitifiedB

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Why I left Facebook – The Scenic Stitch

Social Media –GeriandJudi

My Love-Hate Relationship with FacebookEsoteric Emma

Typing Thoughts:Better Late Than NeverVictoriahnguyen

I’m a Hater by Nature (Or How I’m Learning to Accept Things)HappyAppalachy

Testing Cosmos “Best ways to Flirt”

Aren’t we all a little curious as to if Cosmopolitans tips really work? My friend and I decided we’d meet at the local coffee shop on the weekend and go from there. It took us three days until we had completed them.

Results are as followed 😉

Check out a cutie on the subway for two seconds, look away, then glance back at him through lowered lashes.

B-I think I squinted my eyes too much instead of “lowering my lashes”, he laughed and said “did you forget your glasses Ma’am”. Oh & it was a bus stop, there aren’t any subways.

S-I actually went into a Subway (restaurant) and I either scared him or he finished eating right then and left. I hope it was the second one.

Sitting in a room full of guys? Turn sideways in your chair, cross your legs, arch your back, and run your fingers through your hair.

B-Lol my chair made this awkward noise and everyone looked over so I left…

S. A girl told me my hair looked pretty, does that count?

“Trip,” fall against a man’s chest, and say “Damn, your pecs are so hard, I felt like I was falling into a wall.”

B-I totally almost pulled this off! I tripped perfectly and as I said “Damn, you..” he cut me off and said “jeeze sorry.”  I was like NO i’m not done with my line! lol

S-Haha I got through my line and he responded with “Thank you, I’ve been really working hard at the gym?”…That was it

Get the indie-music guy hanging near the jukebox to help you pick out a song.

B-I asked and he responded “Why, you wanna dance?” okk smoooth.

S-I wouldn’t say he was very “Indie” and when I asked he responded “shhhhhhiiiittt put some MJ on”…I did and walked away.

Ask the motorcycle dude next to you to tell the story behind his “awesome” tattoo.

B-“I got really wasted, it’s not that awesome”

S-“Idk it looked cool, don’t you think it looks cool??”…uh yea

Recruit a hot stranger to do a karaoke duet with you because you have a feeling he’s a “crowd pleaser.”

B-“I’m not”

S-He said “I’m not drunk enough” I said “Yea same here”…then I got “Wanna get drunk enough”..Thats a win right?

Hit up a sports bar, and ask the guy sitting beside you what his favorite team is so you’ll “know who to root for.”

B-He said the “Falcons” and I hate them so no.

S-It worked! We got Ice-cream after the game.

Tell the guy running on the treadmill at the gym how impressed you are by his grueling workout.

B-“what an impressive grueling workout” he proceeds to tell me all his workout routines…lame

S-“I’m impressed with your grueling workout” he says “I can show you some grueling moves” underlying meaning there orrrr…

Step off the dance floor and quickly adjust one of your thigh-high stockings. Uh-oh, did that hottie sitting a few feet away catch you?

B- I had tights on so when i tried to adjust them, they ended up ripping.

S-Yea no one noticed…

Use your tongue to get that last crumb off your lips while eating dinner with him.

B-He said “you missed a spot”

S-eating dinner with who? None of these tricks got me a dinner date yet. haha

Study his face, and remark on how much he looks like [insert hot male celeb he kindasorta resembles here].

B-Told the guy at the coffee shop he looked like Ryan Reynolds ..”Yah cool. I get that a lot” and walked out…

S-“You kind of look like Taylor Lautner” so he says “That vampire faggot”…at least he got the right movie?

Stare seductively with your lips perched a bit.

B-My favorite one! The guy asked one of my friends who was next to him “Why is your friend staring at me?”… I must have been doing it wrong?

S-He started staring back and it became a contest of who could stare the longest. I won! He left though.

So we actually didn’t do all 25 since most were just too much or we never got the opportunity and we weren’t really successful.

Either we aren’t that beautiful or Cosmo is wrong.

We decided it’s Cosmo.

It was definitely a fun experience though and I highly recommend doing it with your friend just for a laugh!

XoXo

B&S

Calling out Cosmo.

If you tell me you’ve never read a Cosmopolitan magazine, you’re lying. If you insist that you’ve honestly never picked one up and skimmed through it, yea…still think you’re lying.

My sister in law told me “Cosmo is like a Womens’ Bible… “.

That’s effing deep.

Go ahead, laugh out loud. I was sixteen , of course after hearing those words I read the ish outta every one I could snatch without my mom noticing. I wanted to learn the “Three words he never wants to hear you say” and even though I didn’t have a boyfriend yet, I was determined to learn “How to shake an ex” , got to be prepared…right? Eventually I had my own subscription arriving in the mail each month and I was determined to “Make men fall in love with me”

Soon I started catching on to all the contradictions.

“Never try to change your man” WHAT.?? Two months ago you taught me “10 ways to change him”. Great, now I have to wait for an article on “What to do if you tried changing your man, but you really shouldn’t have”. 

HAHA. The time I wasted reading it actually saddens me.

I finally decided to give it up after the cashier at Publix (who I went to high school with)  felt the need to chime in, as if I didn’t feel lame enough purchasing the magazine,  he chuckled “you actually read this crap”.

Screw you. yes I read it because why the hell not? That’s just what I could’ve said, I actually responded with “Hell No! It’s for my sister in law. LOL you actually think i’d read that..NO. LOL No.”

I tossed the magazine out as soon as I got home. How could I read these stories that do nothing for me. I am my own person and my tips are way effin better than theirs.

I must give them credit though, they always had these catchy titles that caught my eye.

This makes me question what happened in this past year? If you still keep up on the magazine then you know what I mean. I have their Facebook page liked, so I do see there recent posts that are something along the lines of :

“What Disney Princess are you” or “What Disney prince should you be with”-

I’m sorry I thought we were reading a magazine for Women, not 13 year old girls.

They also use annoying new lingos like

“Ten pink coats you need so hard right now”

uhhhh. ok. no.

I’d like to believe that at one point, Cosmo actually gave great advice and helpful beauty tips. Little fact from Google, the magazine originally started out as a “general interest FAMILY magazine”. Weird.

So it seems to be transforming from Family, Women and Sex, to a much younger crowd,

Am I the only one that has noticed?

Take my poll and feel free to leave some feedback .

Xoxo

CitifiedB

 

Related Articles:

Go Home Cosmo You’re Drunk!

A Cosmo Example

 

The accusation: Cup loving Americans.

So I recently Facebooked this photo of me and *caption* the love of my life, forever together, best guy, ❤ 9-12-10 <3!!!! Be jealous!!! (that’s what people do right)

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Kidding. We’re not annoying like that. Also, that’s a false date…we don’t have a real one.

As expected I get the typical likes and comments “omg you guys are so cute! Best couple ever!!”.

Kidding. I unfriended those infatuated little hecklers.

I did however get questioned by my dapper European brother in law. “What is it with Americans always having cups in their hands?”

Right off the bat I’m all like  “Uh. It’s called 8 o’clock  in the morning and effing cold. Have some perceptive as to why I would have a hot latte in my hand and if you’re going to view the photo , at least show some decency and “like” it. geez.”

What is it with you “Europeans” calling us “Americans” out huh!?

Eventually I did calm down and rationalize a little bit, could we have a tendency of always carrying cups? With full intentions of proving this Eurobrat wrong , I decide to check out some Facebook pics.

Unfortunately, the first one just happens to be a man casually walking his dog with an oversized McDonalds cup in his hand…

Mere coincidence. Keep scrolling

Ohhh, a mother with …never mind.

OK,  group picture here and three out of five people have a cup in their hand..

Party pictures! Of course there’s silly kids with slaphappy faces screaming “there’s alcohol in this cup.!” those can’t count.

So I stop looking.

If we really do seem to always have a cup in our hands, then I’m just curious as to why?

*Study Alert Universities*

Is it a sense of comfort to be holding a beverage?

How about a fashion statement!?  I occasionally get that impression when I see women with coffees. Although those thoughts could stem from my boyfriend always making it sound as if I’m being snotty when I say latte (like I came up with the name), but don’t you see the little b’s pushing their lips out with the hand at an angle that just screams prissiness?? No?

Maybe it’s from eating so much garbage that we are never suitably hydrated?

Whatever it is, I now have this irritating awareness of people holding cups in public.

So thank you brother!

Also, writing this post made me realize the fixation I have at the fact I must capitalize the “F” in “Facebook”. I understand why, I just get this feeling that I’m giving Facebook importance , but I’ll save that for another post.

Xoxo

Accused American cup holder.

50 Shades of Shut the eff up.

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Let me just start by saying I hate the title of this post. I hate the title of anything starting with “50 Shades of”.

“50 Shades of Love” or “50 Shades of Happiness”, how about “50 Shades of LAME”. The renowned book (50 Shades of Grey) has sold over 70 million worldwide copies and the obscene literature has women acting like The 40 year Old Virgin (at the end of the movie). My dilemma is not with reading the book, it’s with reading the book in public.

I’m trying to get a latte people not watch your gratification as you read about S&M (cue Rihanna music). Seriously though, do you not feel weird sitting their reading about sex in public? I’d love to see your reactions if you walked by a man with a playboy casually sitting in Starbucks. He’s looking at pictures and you’re basically reading the pictures, am I wrong here? Oh & Facebooking it…yea still weird.

This isn’t a Nicholas Sparks book ladies, keep it private or share your thoughts with your girl friends.

XoXo

CitifiedB

No, “I don’t even”

If you didn’t quite get the meaning of my title, check out this site and you will. www.doyoueven.com

“DO YOU EVEN LIFT BRO?”

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Am I the only one that cannot stand the obnoxious meatheads at the gym cemented in front of mirrors perfecting their poses?? Picture Time! Ughhh. Not only do you look as lame as you should feel, I now have to hide so I can avoid being seen on instagram, facebook, and twitter because we all know it’ll be posted to each one.

Reading the word “Meathead” probably gives you the assumption that I’m just referring to guys, I’m not.

SHESQUATS-google it.

You get these beautiful women wearing thongs or pulling their spandex into one (ew) just so we can all experience the ass of a female squatter. Excellent! You made it acceptable to show your bottoms without being slutty …right? I just want to meet the noble man that enjoys his significant other sharing these pics.  Like…what the eff.???

Debating on starting a website- idonteven.com? Share your thoughts!

Happy Workouts.

& on that note, I think I’ll squat my way to the cookie jar.

XoXo

Macbooks and Lattes

STARBUCKS! If that title didn’t give it away;)

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Home of the coffee sizes that no one remembers (Or is that just me)? Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, & the newly added Trenti! Yes, I googled these. I always end up ordering a Tall Latte due to the fact I get all nervous and forget the other sizes. Have any of you accidentally ordered a medium latte? You get that barista that loves her job a little too much and feels the need to correct you with the proper lingo “grande” along with a “this isn’t dunkin’ donuts” look in her eyes. Alright lady, no need to embarrass me in front of all these “business people.”

Now the crowd that they seem to attract is my ultimate favorite. Walking in I always notice the MacBook’s. I feel they should have a sign written on the door with something along the lines of “Apple products only”. I have a Dell and a Kindle so I normally stick with the drive-thru hoping the lines not wrapped around the building. On the occasion I do stop in with my Dell, I pull out my IPhone. Come on , I want to belong! Of course we can’t forget all the college kids that seem to never leave. Speaking out of jealousy because I am appalled at how all these “broke college” kids can afford a 5 Dollar frappe? Then there are all the hippies of course. I was under the impression they don’t support corporate places yet from eyesight, Starbucks has their support. The older women with their perfected pony-tails, decked out in matching gym clothes, donning their flawless make-up, always making me question whether they have ever been inside a gym. Ughh.

I know I’m ranting like I don’t enjoy their grande pumpkin lattes with an extra shot of espresso, the vanilla lattes, or the delicious cans of doubleshot espressos. I love all of these, I just don’t see enough of a difference to be paying extra for them.

So in the meantime, I will be sticking with the Dunkin Donuts crowd for most of my penniless days.

Take my poll!

XOXO B’s