Why we are NOT Facebook friends.

I went a year without social media & loved it. When I re-joined I made sure to delete every person who would or had previously annoyed me. Starting with the teenage moms.


We get it, your baby is cute, I don’t need to see the daily routine of sleeping,eating, and oh look sleeping again, through pictures. Also, phones are filthy, so the fact I have to see your baby playing with them aggravates the ish outta me. I’m not some clean freak but I’ve read my fair share of studies on it. If you’re rolling your eyes, read this.


How about the pot smokers? You guys are so effing cool. I love seeing how big your blunts are & how “high” you feel. If you would come down from “cloud 9” for five seconds, you might still have a chance at getting a real job. When I say “real job” , I’m referring to a job where drug tests are mandatory, so the workers are actually working, not walking around like dazed, incoherent zombies. Oh & your “expensive” kush, looks like a green turd, pull your head outta your ass & quit Facebooking your pathetic smoke sessions.

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Lets not forget the self-proclaimed, political genius who knows how to solve all of Americas problems. You post meme’s that are ignorant as hell and status’ that you perceive will change the world, reality check, they don’t. The only thing you will change are your relationships with others when you can’t accept them politically disagreeing. Once election season is over, you go back to your Candy Crush addiction ( & no, I will not accept your effing invite), becoming even less oblivious to whats going on in the real world. Stop with your naive accusations and read a G’damn book.

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For all you attention seekers, here is your attention. This was a quote from my brothers news-feed: “Ughhh..I keep scrolling down my news feed seeing all these pretty girls , makes me jealous 😦 “. We all know you made that status just to get a confidence boost. Everyone will soon blow it up with comments such as “You’re so pretty” or “Don’t say that girl, you’re gorgeous”. If you’re posting status’s like that , then these comments may help for a day or two, but eventually you’ll have to deal with the real problem at hand here.

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To all the meat-heads out there, please stop with the mirror pics at the gym. You make a status update daily on your routine and as if that isn’t annoying enough, we are all blessed with seeing a mirror pic. Put your phone away, you look ridiculous. How many times must we see the same perfectly positioned picture? Get the eff over yourself. For more of my awesome opinion on this matter, check out No, I don’t even.

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Of course we can’t forget about the love birds! That image is adorable, you on the other hand, are not. I’m happy you have a significant other and I get it, you’re “in love” so can we stop posting all the pictures and paragraphs on how great he/she is? What are you getting out of that?? You’re annoying as shit and don’t say “Oh, I only post that every once in awhile” unless by ‘every once in awhile ‘ you really mean every other effing day. Who are you trying to convince, Facebook or yourself?

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The drunk party goers are some of the worst, I am embarrassed to say I once was one. Sure going out getting wild with friends is fun, posting it, not so much. Almost every picture looks as bad as you probably feel the next day. Save the pictures for your phone, preferably locked. Oh & quit with the drunk status updates, we all know this isn’t your first beer, it’s time for you to stop acting like it…

I’m sure I missed some other annoyances, feel free to comment them :). The braggy co-workers, annoying athletes, or the people  promoting their jobs 24/7. We all have a few of these types…right?

Check out Good Ole Facebook for proof of this ridiculousness



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